top of page

A Hurtwood Caricature

By Ollie Hodges

If Hurtwood were a person, this is what he or she would be like. To start, he or she would be gender fluid, but for the sake of this exercise and because I’m a guy we will make Hurtwood a “he”. Let’s call him Ross, though if Hurtwood were a girl it would definitely be called Serendipity, but that’s beside the point.

Ross’s parents live in London near South Kensington. They met finding themselves in a Buddhist temple in the hills of Nirigashu in Nepal and have never looked back since. Ross was born and raised a Buddhist and to this day has still refused to back down to his terrifyingly traditional Christian grandparents – Wilfred and Fiona.

His parents, Jimmy and Eve, thought about not sending him to school and refusing to conform to the pressures of modern society. Rather, they wanted to take him on their travels, as they listened to trance music and played tubular bells whilst “omming” around camp fires in various exotic spots around the world, all of which hosted rainbow festivals. However, his dad ended up returning to Goldman Sachs, his mum became a masseuse and Ross soon started at Kensington Primary School…

Ross is your archetypal great guy. He went to day school in London and every day his mum made his gluten free, non GMO, organic, sugar free packed lunch – she preferred to call it a brain box. Ross never quite understood why his parents are gluten free, vegan Buddhists, but he went along with it anyway and still does. In fact, Ross is paving the way for all the gluten free, vegan, British Buddhists out there.

As he was growing up, Ross got involved in a yoga club and met a bracelet-clad student activist with blond wavy hair, called Passion, who he fell in love with and accompanied on many a protest. He even shaved his hair out of solidarity for the centenary of the chopping down of the sacred tree of Ananda. Soon after, he participated in a nude “free the soul” march. He is not one to sit back and watch as the world destroys its humanity and essence…

During his teenage years Ross only bought his clothes at charity shops and wore faded blue baggy jeans. He rightly says that “looks don’t matter and that if anyone judges him they are only judging themselves. It is called a karmic mirror.” His guru Chi Hurutagi taught him that. He also taught Ross to eat avocado for breakfast with a chia seed smoothie. Similarly, if Ross is not fasting for religious purposes, he eats a bowl of quinoa for supper with a glass of pressed home-grown wheatgrass.

Ross is almost impossible not to like, unless you’re a fascist. He is easy going, has great taste in trance music and is frustratingly good looking. He says it is down to his entirely natural diet and strict regime, which combines tantric yoga, daily meditation and a weekly circle sharing group that he meets with. Ross also plays three instruments, got offered a place at Oxbridge, but declined for political reasons, and is a qualified life-coach. You almost feel obliged to share your deepest troubles with Ross moments after meeting him.

When he is not practicing any of the above, you can find Ross working on his blog

Ross like Hurtwood, is creative, out of the ordinary and a laidback high achiever.

Did I say that he also has no middle name and his full name is actually Rossamuru – his parents made it up as they wanted him to be entirely unique, and boy is that true.


bottom of page