by Sofie Miller
Hello darling
I’ve missed you
Now look at me
I’ve come back to kiss you
The kiss of life
Well maybe death
It’s been a while since you and I crossed paths
It was such a laugh
Did you miss me?
I missed you
I missed the hollows of your cheeks
Yellow cheeks
The purple below your eyes
And all those people who just cried
I want you to stay alive
Feed me
Give me all your memories
Your movements
Don’t let all those remedies, do a thing
Give me your smile
I want your air
Oh darling please don’t despair
These fluorescent lights make you so pretty
It’s such a pity
I am already with you
I don’t like the doctors needles
The way they weasel there way in and break our happy
I’ll take you on a date to a hospital bed
You and I are already wed
I hear you want a divorce
You flush me out with chemicals
Everyone's so hysterical
Hello darling
Hear me out
I’m here to bring you peace
Like some release
I’m in your head
Your heart
And chest
You can never rest when I’m with you.
I’m not a killer
I’m a saint
Sending you back to heaven
I love all of you
I’ll take away your pain
You can’t complain
I want all of you
You and I will fall apart together
Let us dance together
Like tremors
Going on forever
Like a melody
I’m not your enemy
Your cells split
I will outwit
Those men in white cloaks
Trading magic spells for an expiry date
Our expiration
One months
Two years
But in the ends you’ll always be mine
Honey
You can’t get rid of me with love or money
I’m always on your heels
I make you really feel -
Why don’t you love me?
I’m like a machete
Ripping through your lungs
Sweetie you look so tired
Like I’ve unwired all the cables in your brain
I’m a bomb waiting to go off
You’ve lost hair
Like you’ve lost friends
And you can’t depend on them like me
Because they can’t stand
Being here firsthand
As we fall apart together
Time to sleep
Listen to the sound of my voice
Whispering sweet nothings
I’’l give you the sun and moon
I’ll show you the stars baby
You are nothing without me
I am your whole identity
No get well soon or wilting roses
Could ever terminate our love.
I hear you no longer want me
I make you sick
I promise this will be quick
I’m here to look after you
You and me forever
In eternity
And peacefully
One final breath
Breathe with me
Push out air for me
You pushed me out with you
But it’s ok cause you die too.
Typing slowly on a keyboard made of
glass
Words that you will never hear
Words that I fear
It’s a letter written to you
Like hundreds before
Written from my heart
Words travelling through synapses
down my arms
until it reaches my fingers tips
Like passion falling out
And I just can’t stop it
Falling all over the keys of my computer
You have the key to me
I want to press send
To watch my sentences fly through the air and touch your arm
Make you swing around and hold me in your embrace
Because suddenly you understand
Suddenly you want me
and not her
I’m a girl with a voice like sawdust
Easily blown away
I scream your name in capital letters
But press delete
Because I’d rather be just your friend
than lose you altogether
=
It’s like there’s a blanket between us
Something smothering me
It’s so small and fragile
Like you
And yet I can’t tear it down
It wraps around my limbs until I can’t breathe
Like I’m drowning in a bed of thorns
I shout your name
But you can’t hear me anymore
You can’t feel me anymore
I want you to hold me in your arms
Protect you
Make it alright
But you’re not here to protect me anymore
No longer my knight
Instead you’re riding away from me
I’m left behind
Still choking on the something between us
Something invisible
But more real than you are
You’re gone
And you’ve left someone I don’t recognise in your place
=
They say you have to play
the waiting game
But it’s not for your entertainment
It’s a feeling that overrides your brain
and shuts off all your senses
Stopping any light get in
It twist the sinews of your heart until you just want everything to
stop
so it won’t hurt anymore
Waiting,
strips your lungs of air so as madly as you try,
you just can’t seem to breathe
Waiting
for the death of someone who’s heart is part of yours w
hose soul is intertwined in yours
It’s not a game
It’s a tragedy
So don’t tell me to just wait and see,
to play the game, to wait for fate to play it’s hand,
everything is on fire and I don’t seem to be able to put it out
=
Please don’t speak the words I fear
I see it everywhere
Like you’ve already gone and have come to find me
The words
The pictures
The ending
I grip her hand a bit too hard
Wait, stop, breathe
Endless
A repeat
It’s not my fate I have to hear
I bite my lip
and watch their clinical smiles
Ready to take my pulse
check I’m breathing
I’m not
I can’t
This is the thing I can never say
I hate the way they see me
Fragile
Broken
They can’t speak to me on the phone
It’s too much for them
But remember
What about me?